Ultimate 90’s Flowchart
Beanie Babies, Tamagotchi’s, and Super Soakers. If you didn’t read the title, the flowchart, or the first sentence, you probably aren’t sure what I’m talking about. So go back and read it….Done? Good. If you still haven’t figured out that this blog will be about the 90’s…I think you might be mentally unstable, actually I’m pretty sure of it. Go see a doctor. Or take the easy way out and kill yourself. If you are that stupid, you aren’t useful to society at all, so you might as well. For those of us that aren’t…how do I put this nicely…fucktarded, let’s continue. The 90’s. In this decade, we got some of the most useless and creepy things(i.e. The Furby). Let’s reminisce.
Beanie Babies; There’s a million-and-an-effing-half of these things. I have trash bags of these things sitting in my attic. I remember one in particular, that I loved. It went EVERYWHERE with me. It was a chihuahua named Tiny.
That’s what he looks like NEW. But, mine went in the washing machine, on the roof, in the dirt, in the washing machine again, in the Christmas tree, EVERYWHERE(and then back in the washing machine again). Anyways, the TY company made a crap load of beanie babies.
Tamagotchis; The most annoying things in the world. You had to feed them every ten seconds or they die. These things were supposed to teach parenting skills? A baby doesn’t even eat that much. You couldn’t have one and live a normal life, because they die all the time. If you went to school it would, like, crap all over itself and die. But you can just reset it if it dies, much like a normal baby as you all know.
Furby; Also a parenting skills toy. What’s with the 90’s and parenting toys? Also very annoying, actually MORE annoying than the tamagotchi. These things weren’t just annoying, but creepy too. They never shut-up and they just stare at you and tell you they’re hungry. I got one of these things when I was like 6, or 8 or something. (My sister also had one, but she didn’t like it because it called her “daddy”.) But even when I was just a young child, I thought it was stupid that in the instruction manual (and I remember this vividly, but I won’t get into details about it) it said “Furby’s are like real babies” and it later said “To wake up your Furby, turn it upside down.” I thought, “Yeah, you COULD wake up your baby like that, but it seems to be a little extreme. Usually just a nudge will do. Nice going Tiger Electronics. Now, there’s going to be like a baby-flipping-syndrome wave, where people are flipping sleeping babies. Flip the baby to wake it up, that’s almost as bad as like screaming obscenities in its ear to wake it up. Stupid Tiger Electronics….That Furby is kinda creepy looking….it keeps staring at me….” One day after it was crying all day, I found a screwdriver, and popped those batteries right out.
Super Soakers; Bottom Line, These were FUN. I don’t care if water guns promote violence or whatever, but these were FUN. So, shut-up.
